Do not be a Pastafarian if you want a driving license!
Well, the year 2020 will soon be history. Over. Gone. Finis. And most of us – we’re only guessing here – won’t be sorry to see it go. Good riddance, we’ll be thinking to ourselves. After all, whatever 2021 has in store for us, it’s very unlikely to be worse than its predecessor.
Because, let’s face it, 2020 was, for most people, a pretty grim experience. It gave us few reasons to smile. Which is why, at Desperateseller.co.uk, we’ve decided to end the year by lightening the mood a bit. What better way could there be to see off such a year of misery than to laugh it out the door cock a snook at it, as it slips away with its tail between its legs?
Not that the following five stories are laugh-out-loud-funny. Some are more strange than amusing. But most are likely to put a faint smile on your lips, even if it’s only in a vaguely schadenfreude kind of way. We hope you enjoy reading them.
God arrest ye merry gentleman
When, just before Christmas last year, after a long pub session, a man crashed his Mini Cooper into a metal barrier on the A659 in North Yorkshire, he decided it would be a good idea to abandon the scene. But, rather than do a runner, the (unnamed) driver hid inside a shed containing a representation of the famous nativity scene, comprising baby Jesus, Mary and Joseph. However, North Yorkshire police soon found and arrested him, then tweeted a picture of his car with the caption: “Driver runs & tries to hide in nativity display. Found in hay.” So, given the fine and ban he ended up with, it probably wasn’t a Christmas of good cheer for this particular driver. As one Twitter user put it, he was “obviously not one of the wise men.”
Basta pasta, says the DVLA
Have you heard of Pastafarianism? No? Well, it’s a religion which claims that its god is the Flying Spaghetti Monster. And, before you start thinking we’ve lost our marbles, it’s worth noting that Pastafarianism is an officially recognised religion in several countries, including Poland and New Zealand. The question is: should it be recognised here? The DVLA doesn’t think so. We know that because, when devotee Ian Harris, from Hove in Sussex, went to renew his driving licence, they rejected his photo. Why? Because he was wearing the sacred Pastafarian headgear – a colander. And the 51-year old was insulted. “Who are they to decide which religions are valid?” he said. “Our religion may be a minority, but the DVLA is discriminating because it allows people who practice major religions to wear head gear”. But the DVLA was unmoved – they’ve refused his application three times now.
Hell hath no fury. . .
…Well, you know the old saying. And the woman scorned in this case was an angry Saudi lady who was furious at her husband for deciding to marry another woman (polygamy is legal in Saudi Arabia). So she decided to vent her fury by landing her husband with a whopping £50,000 (250,000 Saudi Riyals) motoring fine. Which wasn’t easy. In fact, to run up such a large bill, she had to employ the help of her brother, who repeatedly drove the husband’s pick-up truck over a red light – each time incurring a fine. Unfortunately, though, the plan had more holes than a Swiss cheese. Being the husband’s second wedding night, he had plenty of alibis. Plus, the brother’s vengeful action was captured on a smartphone by a fellow motorist. So he and his sister ended up paying the hefty fine. Here’s another old saying: act in haste, repent at leisure!
No cucumber was ever this cool
Around mid-afternoon one Tuesday, the West Midlands Ambulance Service (WMAS) was called to a farm in Warwickshire to rescue a man who had accidentally driven into a lake. The man, who was in his eighties, had gone to the farm to do some fishing, but he’d lost control of his Ford Focus, and they had both ended up in the lake. This was strange enough, but here’s the real surprise: when the paramedics arrived, they found the unnamed driver sitting in the car neck-deep in water, nonchalantly smoking his pipe and chatting to the local farmer who had called the emergency services. Now that’s what we call cool - literally as well as figuratively!
The 145mph lap
When Alan Richardson’s terrier went missing, the 45-year-old got into his Audi A3 and went looking for it. Having retrieved the dog successfully, he turned for home – but was approached by a police car as he did so. Richardson, who was well over the legal alcohol limit, panicked and tried to flee, by driving through built-up areas on the wrong side of the road, navigating a roundabout anti-clockwise, and – at one point – clocking 145mph. He was finally stopped and arrested after a 20-minute chase. Sentencing him to 14 months in prison and a 5-year driving ban, the judge at Teesside Crown Court commented: “This is as bad a piece of dangerous driving as I’ve come across. Looking for a dog is no excuse to put the public at risk – and you made matters even worse by driving in a drunken state with the animal on your lap!”